


The Devil of Hell's Kitchen

by BadLuckBlueEyes



Series: Snapshots 'Verse [19]
Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Disabled Character, Gen, Introspection, Rage, World on Fire, this one is just matt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-15 07:17:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4597746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadLuckBlueEyes/pseuds/BadLuckBlueEyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part nineteen of Snapshots, in which Matt considers his situation while out for the night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Devil of Hell's Kitchen

Matt was off his meds. He had been for a short while, ever since Stick had reared his stupid head and invaded Matt’s life again. He couldn’t shake the older man’s influence, and his meds were out of his apartment, gone with the trash. 

His dad had handled the situation far more gracefully than he had thought he would, which was a relief. But Matt wasn’t ready for anyone else to find out. He couldn’t let anyone else find out. It was his secret, and secrets were powerful. He liked having secrets. 

He was good at keeping secrets too. Good at hiding the storm inside, at putting on a suit and smiling, hiding behind his glasses and pretending that he didn’t feel the world falling apart around him, crumbling and collapsing with every step he took. 

Matt was good at bottling up the rage that threatened to consume him, saving it and letting it grow until he put on the mask and unleashed hell on his enemies. 

Rage was good. Rage was what fueled him. He had a lot of rage. 

It was his secret weapon. 

He wished that it didn’t exhaust him the way it did though, seeping out through his pores after each fight and leaving nothing but numbness behind and the only thing he could do was crawl into bed after and hope that when he woke up it would go away and he’d be able to find some emotion to work with, anything beside the numbness and the rage. 

It was zero to one hundred with nothing in the middle. He could fly from despair to rage in seconds and simmer back down just as quickly. Happiness, the middle ground, the relief and humanity somewhere in the mix, it had gotten lost. He couldn’t figure out where it had gone. His only choice was to let the rage keep him going until he found it again. 

All of those thoughts crashed through his mind as he returned to his apartment after a particularly grueling night. He pulled off the black outfit, leaving it out, crawling into bed and pulling the stuffed bear that Foggy had given him years ago close. 

The bear was mostly intact, with the exception of a missing eye that Matt had accidentally twisted off at one point. Matt felt the urge to call Foggy, just as he did every time he held the bear, to call him and tell him everything. 

He couldn’t though. That meant sharing his secret, letting someone close enough to invade his life and his system. He couldn’t let Foggy know everything, he would try to change it, saying he was trying to help and it poison his rationale. He had locked every feeling he had ever had for Foggy away and thrown away the key. It was better for them both that way. Nobody was getting hurt, and if someone did get hurt, it would be him. He could never hurt Foggy, he cared too much about him, and every instinct that called out to that, to bring him closer to the other man was utterly wrong. If he kept telling himself that, maybe someday he could believe it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to J for the beta read. Hope you all enjoyed reading! It's almost done, just a few more...


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